This I have.

The last few years have been full of unexpected changes, new paths, beginnings and endings, but oh the growth that came with all of it! Life is always changing and something new happening. I feel caught up in the whirlwind of everything going on and half wanting a moment to catch my breath and half wanting to dive head on into whatever comes next. My longings to travel, go overseas, and work with teenagers has never dimmed and I want desperately to get started. I seem on pause right now and I am itching to get started as I once again realize the shortness of life. School. Going back to school must happen soon.

A Furry Healer

The unfamiliar

Unfamiliar is terrifying. And daunting. But, it is the greatest adventure. Staying on land is safe and known and you get to see a glimpse of other worlds or even a pretty sunset. And some people are a little braver and venture a ways out in a sturdy little boat, equipped with all provisions of course. Like climbing an indoor rock wall, fun but nothing too crazy. Few dare to plunge in the water. Forsaking the known for adventure. Once in there is no turning back. Here, you don't just see the sunset you are dancing under its bask. Here, your feet might not touch the bottom but you learn to swim, to stay afloat, to tread. Here death only seems real because for once you are truly alive.

Abundance.

Could I really ask for more? I am richly blessed in my life. I have never had so little, yet been so satisfied before. I am bumping around in a car empty of gas half of the time, touch and go with lunches, with my clothes and puppy being my only possessions. But I am BLESSED. God provides for my every need. I am being taken care of my the creator of the universe. He not only sees me, but meets my every need. I have never been more full of joy or hope or peace or love as now. I laugh with God. We dance together. He smiles at my triumphs and catches my every tear. Life is so precious and beautiful.

Thankful For Empty.

Bible study last night really opened up my eyes to how blessed I am to have so little. I have my car, my clothes, and my puppy. And finally I have emptied my life and Gid not only has room to move, He is all the hope I have. If he doesn't provide then I will not be provided for. It's like stepping into the pages of the bible and walking around. Faith just got personal.

Painful Choices.

I have been having to make a lot of these lately and I realized today that I am thankful for them. Without hard decisions we would seek God's direction so much less I think. I am in a place right now where the only way I will know God's will is if I lay at His feet daily, imploring His will. Hard is good. Life is hard. Life is good.

Change.

This year has been a journey and I can honestly say that I am enormously grateful for every stone filled road, every valley of depression, and every storm of destruction. I have been tested and sifted and I continue to be. And slowly, but surely the less desirable parts of me are being taken out. It is often painful and requires work and sacrifice, but I am being transformed day by day. I have never understood what a new creation was as much as now!

Perspective.

I have learned a lot this past year. I think one of the best things I have learned is that people can hurt you, disappoint, betray or even leave, but you decide your response to every single moment you encounter and what you choose in that moment determines how you view life. My life sentence this year seems to have been "it is what it is" and "such is life" . Guys, life is always good because God is always good.

This Moments.

My oldest brother, who never talks to me, texts me his new number and tells me he loves me. I have waited my life to hear those words from him. My heart squeezed.

Thankful For Walking By Faith

Living by faith and not sight is truly an adventure and living on the edge. You never know what will happen in your life because you are living in the footsteps of Jesus. I don't know where I will be going in a couple months, but I know who is leading the way.

Responses.

I have been very unsure lately about where to go next and so yesterday morning, finally, (I should have done this forever ago) I was like "God I don't know what to do" and He was like "I thought you would never admit that". This was the conversation that followed:


God: Just walk.
Callie: Walk where?
God: It doesn't matter.
Callie: Which direction?
God: It doesn't matter.
Callie: How far?
God: It doesn't matter.
Callie: Just walk?
God: Just walk.


I finally get it. He leads. I follow. All I need to do is walk.

Thankful For Longings.

Strange title, I know. But really, you guys should be used to strange when it comes to me by now. What I mean is, I have had so many longings on my heart lately and quite a few disappointments, but they only show me more and more how only Jesus satisfies. Because I can have a hundred guys like me, but none will ever love me like Jesus does. I can have the best education at my favorite school and finally get a degree, but nothing will prepare me like His word which is God inspired and beneficial for all situations. I can finally get to travel and go to every country I ever dreamed of, but nothing will calm my restless spirit but Him alone. Jesus alone is all satisfying. That doesn't mean other things are always bad, but we have to get to the place where if we lost everything else and there was just Jesus standing in front of you, that we would still be 100% satisfied and okay with that. Jesus alone guys.

Every Thing I have Gone Through.

Can I just say that God is overwhelming me with His awesomeness lately? I have gotten a chance to get to know two youth so much better and through learning their pain and suffering I now see a lot more purpose for why I struggled with certain things in particular. I gained experience, insight, and empathy through the struggles I went through as a teenager. It is an honor to get to know these kids and I am humbled to be given the chance to invest in them. God. Is. So. Good.

Thankful For Pain.

I am beyond in awe of God right now. This past year has been full of unbelievable suffering with Jordan and I began to see how God used things to empty me of a lot of myself so that I could be full of Him. That alone was worth the pain. but recently I have been talking to a girl in a youth group I help with and she is in such a similar situation as I was. I would have been so inadequate to help her had I not gone through that pain and I am even more grateful for it than before. God uses everything for good and everything he gives is good!

Thankful for Learning to Serve.

Every night at work I have this amazing privilege to serve others. I searched specifically for a job as a waitress for this very reason. Of course, there are many customers that stretch you in this exercise, but they are the ones I am most thankful for. It is easy to serve the ones who are simple, polite and who you know you will tip well, but I have decided in my heart that I will serve every customer exactly the same regardless of how nice they are or how much money I make. They are all deserving of 100% of me. I have also decided that I will walk out of work completely satisfied regardless of the amount that I made, whether it be $10 or $100. God always richly provides exactly how much I need and nothing He gives is too little or too much. I am very blessed to have a job where I have been able to share Jesus in many ways with so many people and to have such an incredible opportunity to learn to better serve others. What a great God we serve!

This I Have Had.

I would say I am thankful for another year, but who knows if I have another whole year so instead I am thankful for this time that I have already had. This year was the absolute worst, most difficult and most painful year I have ever had BUT it has also been the most spiritually beneficial, amazing, blessed, and life altering year I have ever had. My God is so good. I have stood on some incredible spiritual mountaintops and I have sunken to some low spiritual depths, but throughout it all God had His hand on me and I can say with full confidence that God is still good and I passionately adore Him. I wasn't going to make a resolution this year, but I have decided that whatever I want to call it, this year is going to be lived every day as if it was the only day I have left. Done with the temporary, this year is going to be lived in the realization of Eternity.