Kids.

Haha Kayla will get a kick out of this title because it seems so far from me. However, i have a confession to make. I have fallen love with a little kid. His name is Brock. His dad warned me not to meet him because it would be love at first sight. Oh how i should have headed that warning. He makes every mommy instinct in me surface instantly around him. He is in one word adorable. He is so mature for a 6 year old boy and i can't get enough of him. I will restrain all kidnapping urges ;) anyway there you go Kayla. Apparently, i do have some want to be a mom desires even if they are normally dormant.

Public Humility.

God seems to like calling me out in public places. Do you know how awkward it is to be having a serious conversation with God with dozens of people around staring at you seeming to talk to yourself. Because you really can't carry on a conversation like that in your head. So, i apologize Chickfila for looking like a weirdo yesterday, but God had a lot to share and sure wasn't going to keep ignoring Him.

Peaches.

Tomorrow is my best friend in the whole world's birthday. Miss Peaches :) I am so proud to call her friend. In fact i do not consider who just friend, but sister. She is just as blood sister to me as my birth sister is and i love her just as dearly. I have never had a more patient or kind or beautiful friend as Michelle. I have always wanted to be even just a little more like her because never have i had a truer friend. Even through my bossiness and selfishness she remained true and loyal. The best memories of my life have always included her. If i could have any one wish right now it would be to have my sweet friend by my side and here with me. So happy birthday Michelle. I hope this is your best year of your life so far. I really hope we get to spend much of it together to make up for us having to be a part the last 2 years. I love you!

Rain.

It poured for about an hour at work today and it happened to rain while i was on break. I took off outside like a hound chasing a fox and ran laps around my job. I was drenched in seconds but i barely noticed it. I stood outside catching raindrops in my mouth and feeling them splatter on my face. It was the most refreshing, cleansing rain i have ever felt. I felt like every sin i had ever committed was washed off of me today during that rain. It was the most amazing feeling in the world.

Still Here.

God and I have been in little arguments all day.

Me: "Tired!"
Him: "Rest in Me!"

Me: "Giving up!"
Him: "Patience!"

Me: "Hurt!"
Him: "Love anyway!"

Me: "Lonely!"
Him: "I"m still here..."


It is the last one that got me. Despite my impatience, lacking, resistance, anger and rebellion, He is still here. How can I not adore Him?

Reply.

So i guess i thought i was being funny last night when i asked God if a few things in my life could be adjusted because he totally called me out this morning in church.
I wrote Him a letter last night saying:

Dear God,
This isn't working out. Could we adjust a few things?
Love, Me

He replied in church this morning by saying:

Dear Callie,
I completely agree with you. I can think of a few things that could be adjusted in you.
Love, God

Out of the Car.

I am finally at my parents. Actually, i have been here for an hour or so now, but i just got my computer out. I am looking forward to some family time over the next couple of days.

Something New Everyday

I always thought of painful situations as unselfish for some reason. I have been reading a book lately called Sacred Marriage (yeah i know, why would i read a marriage book?) and i have been learning so much. Today i was reading how we can even turn our pain into an "all about me" thing. Pain can be the greatest teacher we have. Sometimes it is hard to look past the pain we are facing and see the purpose in it, it can be enough to survive it, but maybe surviving it isn't the purpose or point. Maybe God is behind the scenes orchestrating something greater in our pain than the pain itself. We have to know that no matter how big our pain is, God is bigger still. We have to know that even if we never see the purpose behind our sorrows that God sees. God is alive and working through our joys and our sorrows. He is greater than murder, adultery, rape, hunger, abuse, divorce, even death. He is sovereign. Always. There will never be a situation where we can say that situation is greater than the God who ordained it or allowed. Never. He is always greater and therefore always worthy of worship. That means we worship Him before the pain, during the pain, at the place of pain where there seems to be no end, and after the pain. He is greater. He is worthy. I will worship.

Preparing for Battle.

satan has been attacking me furiously lately. I have been weighed down by jealousy over everything. I guess he is pretty mad because first he tried to get me with unforgiveness and bitterness, but God pushed me through those. I have refused to let him stress me out or turn my back on God and he is pretty upset about that. So he has found another tactic to hit me with. It seems i get jealous about everything and everyone. It is quite annoying because jealousy makes you mad at the person you are feeling jealous over for no reason. And when you are mad at someone because you are jealous, well there goes the friendship because those mean feelings are in the way.
Thankfully God has been revealing these things to me. He has shown me that they are there because satan is trying to trip me. So, thanks Dad for the heads up. I am on the lookout now. I knew the battle was coming. I am going to lace up my battle boots and start putting on the armor. Let satan come, because when he does, i will be waiting. And i will be ready.

Girl Time.

Went shopping with Kay today. She doesn't know, but i like the name Kay for her rather than Chip. It is much more feminine and suites her more. So i call her that in secret. Of course it won't be much of a secret after she reads this. Anyway we went shopping today and picked out some really pretty clothes for her which she deserves because pretty girls deserve pretty clothes and she definitely deserves to feel pretty. It was lots of fun to see her all dressed up :)

Infallible God.

I am so not enough. You are plenty. I am helpless. You are so able. I am hopeless. You are hope. I fall again and again, yet again and again you are there. And i am grateful. Even in my faithlessness You are faithful. Thank you, daddy.

Tight Spots.

I used to thank God for the good times and plead for relief during the tough ones. My perspective is slowly changing in this. Although the easier times are nice because we all need a break sometimes, it is during the tight spots that i grow. I have felt myself growing this year. I am so much more emotionally stable. I am more relationally mature. I am a learning to let go and let God. I am beginning to realize the hugeness of the responsibility as a Christian i have been given. I have a responsibility to carry his name openly and truthfully. I have a responsibility to share and suffer. I am a leader, a guide, a sister in Christ, a warrior and full of Grace that i am to extend to others. However, God doesn't want me to feel burdened by this, only burdened by the weight of others souls who have yet to recognize Him. And i am. The magnitude of the amount of people who either don't know Him or have no relationship with Him is staggering. I am often overwhelmed by the needs others have. And not just unsaved people. There are so many Christians sufficating in sin or weary from work or burdened by guilt or shame. There are too many Christians who preach grace and never except grace from Him for themselves. There are too many Christians who speak the gospel without having had the incredible fullness of it penetrating their own hearts fully. How can this be? And what can i do about this? I long to help. That is my life desire. I want to be a helper. I want to be a wife. I want to be a ministry partner. I want to love on the unlovable. I want to serve. There is no other life occupation that would satisfy me other than a servant. I want to be a living Martyr.

Call Outs.

My heart is so torn. I know nothing in this world matters except the things that will pass into the next. if i know this, then why do i constantly fill my life with the things that wont? It seems like it should be so simple to follow wholeheartedly after Him, but simple and easy aren't the same thing. I want an undivided heart. I want to be emptied of myself so i can be full of more of Him. And when i do spend time with Him it feels so right, like breathing. But then why do i pass it over so often? Ugh! This is all so annoying.

Patient God.

Man was i in a mood last night and today. Sorry to any of my friends who i was a jerk to. God and i head butted so much last night i must have woken up with a migraine from it. And i am pretty sure i threw up enough in all of my blogs to last a while. I am so thankful for a God is is so patient and willing to wait out all of my petty human emotions. He is so worthy of praise.

Reminders.

I was so down today and i knew it was because i haven't been spending much time with God lately. It always becomes painfully obvious to me very quickly when time with Him is short or not much at all. Why do i forget so quickly how much He must be a part of my every day? When will i remember that i fade so fast outside His presence? It seems like i should have this always on my mind, so why is it so easy to forget or ignore? I want to be so absorbed in Him that to separate Him from me would be excruciatingly painful and would be like separating skin from bone. I want to be wrapped up in Him, immersed in Him, consumed by Him constantly. The only good from this painful realization is the sweet Grace that always follows.

Realizations.

Edit
Realizations.
by Callie A. Jones on Sunday, July 3, 2011 at 9:10am

I just had a realization. I have been able to talk for so long that i can hardly remember what it was like when i couldn't share myself with others. For years i had no idea why i was unable to open up, but today it hit me. My whole life i have loved writing. It has been a huge passion of mine and for years it was the only way i had of sharing myself with others. I think at least some part of me was afraid it was an either/or thing. i think i was afraid that if i learned how to talk then i would lose my ability to write. I didn't think i could have both. This fear only changed in 2009 when Christ changed me. I know have the ability to share myself with others and i am still writing strong! In fact i am better than i was before. :)

Teaser,

Not to be a tease but i have an awesome blog for tomorrow. I would write it tonight but i am too tired after this long day. So something to look forward to.

Little Blessings.

Sometimes i get so caught up in the big provisions from God that i almost miss the little things that make Him such a personal God. Like today i had to work two shifts and i wasn't too excited about it, but as i was in the dining room i realized that for so long i have only seen sunrises. And sunrises are beautiful, but i like to sleep in every now and then and my job doesn't allow that often so i see the sun rise a lot. Tonight i got to see my first sunset in a long time. And it was breathtaking. The sky was the sweetest shades of blue and pink and purple. I seriously stood staring out the door and smiled at God. He is a God so involved in the details of my life that He knew i wanted to see a sunset instead of a sunrise for once and He made sure that He made it completely mind blowing. Also God provides for me constantly with bills and the basic necessities, but i keep seeing more and more how He also wants to give us little extras just for fun. A lady tipped me today and i smiled realizing how i could buy something just for me. God keeps showing up in my life over and over in sunsets and people and everywhere really. I am hard pressed to find something He is not in. I remembered today how i have always wondered what it would look like when God smiled and then i looked up at the beautiful, nearly blinding sun and realized that must be pretty close to what it is like. So today i am thankful for the hundred little places i see God in my life.