Dreams.

I was thinking about dreams today. Not dreams that you have in your sleep, but dreams that you have in your heart. Wishes, desires. How incredibly huge is our God that he can also give us the amazing ability to dream. We aren't just robots programmed with instructions, but we are people made in the image of the creator of the universe. And because he loves is so much and to help keep us in step with him he allows our heart to long for things. All girls i think dream in particular of their wedding day. I have to admitt it is a dream i also have often, although i try not to let it become more important than is right.

But i dream even more of not just a wedding day which is nice, but of being a wife. I have prayed constantly trying to find what God wants me to do with my life. And i have a lot of passions. I love writing. I love people. And i love music. I think they are three of my biggest loves and passions. But not a single thing in any of those areas ever grabbed my heart and said "This is it!" "That is what i want to do!" And i didn't understand why. Why would God give me all of these passions with no desire to become any of them?

And the more i prayed the more things became clear. God has planted in my heart a huge, beyond my understanding desire to immerse my life in ministry. Not as a leader, or in a band(although i used to dream of that when i was younger), or anything in the spotlight. But as a helper. Which i have to admitt i didn't care much for at first. I mean who wants their calling to be a helper? But then i began to relaize that i did want that. Because i have begun to realize more and more that my greatest dream is to simply be a wife of someone in the ministry. I don't want center stage or a career or a job. I just want to be a helper.

Which is perfectly inclusive of all of my talents. I can use any of them or all of then even as a helper. And although this is farthest from what i once wanted, now it has become my greatest dream. To be a wife. And not just any wife. But the wife of someone in the ministry. Which sounds weird to most people. But if i'm not used to weird by now then i never will be. My dreams have never been normal. Which i guess suites me perfectly because i am far from normal. And i have began to become more than okay with that. So, i don't have a clear picture of the future yet, but i know:
1. who i am- made in the image of my awesome creator and designed to worship him.
and:
2. My purpose- To worship him in everything.
and:
3. How to worship him with my life: serving as a helper in the ministry.

2011 looks pretty exciting :)